There's always a reason behind bad behaviour, and it's usually not easily identifiable.

Using star charts can effectively modify specific behaviours, particularly those learned inappropriately and when the child is trying to seek attention or a reaction from you. However, it is important to note that star charts should only be used for short-term and positive reinforcement.

For instance, you can create a board where you can put all the good things your child has achieved, and when they have accomplished a certain number of goals each day, they get a treat after dinner! But remember that you should refrain from using the same strategy for a long time. Instead, use it for a couple of months (or 66 days, as research shows it takes this amount of time to change a habit to be automatic) and then switch to a different approach to reinforce positive behaviour.

It's worth remembering that behaviour is a form of communication, and it's up to you to figure out what the child or adult is trying to express. Sometimes, you may need assistance as it can be challenging to determine the underlying cause, and the child or adult may not be able to express themselves adequately. It's like putting a jigsaw puzzle together upside down without a picture. However, once you've identified the cause, providing the necessary support to the child or adult is more manageable.

‘That’ naughty child

We've all experienced those moments where we come across children who are constantly misbehaving, or we know someone who is always angry. Such children are often labelled as 'the naughty one' or adults as 'always angry'. But have you ever thought about what causes such behaviour? 

Some professionals might tell you there is no underlying problem with such children, and they are simply naughty. However, I would question this statement. There is always a reason behind a child's behaviour; whether it's due to hunger, tiredness, illness, or an emotional issue, they may not understand.

Changing a behaviour

Questions and Answers

  • My child’s behaviour is so out of control, I don’t know what to do.

    Your child is struggling and it’s working out what is troubling your child. This can take time but keeping a journal will help you identify triggers. Staying calm will also help, not easy by any means. Also try doing the opposite of what you want to do, so instead of shouting, give your child a hug if they will let you.

  • It’s so hard as I feel like we are getting somewhere and then the naughty behaviour starts again.

    This shows your child is trying to figure out what is going on for them but sometimes things will feel overwhelming and they will relapse. Provide them with reassurance, love and remain calm.

  • My child is so physical and has broken so many different things, I can’t afford to replace them anymore. I just don’t know what to do.

    This is a tough one as you can’t condone the physical behaviour, however, when your child is calm discuss how or what they could do instead. Use bean bags to punch, a punch bag, bounce on a trampoline, even kick a ball outside anything which will help release all of their frustration. Also help them work out there early warning signs. See my page for some tips.

  • My partner is always so angry, it scares the kids. I don’t know what to do to help them.

    Anger is a form of communication and shows they are struggling with something. When they’re calm, have a conversation with them, explain how you have noticed they keep getting angry, stay calm and together try to work out what the triggers are. Have a look at The Two A’s article.

How to fight the mental fight